even the fact that we're sentient is almost too much if you ask me

no i'm serious. i know the title sounds like i've taken too many tabs but i'm stone cold sober right now. i even have a mild headache because i NEED to stretch (speaking of which, you need to stretch. like right now. elongate those limbs)

but yeah. even being sentient is like, now hold up just a second. because it's one thing to be alive and to feel pain and happiness and hunger and shit. but to also have a consciousness that is aware it is finite???????? i need to speak to the manager, IMMEDIATELY. who designed this system?????

and i don't even mean to now go into theorizing passing away. good god, no. ain't nobody got time for that.

i mean, it's absolutely f*cking insane to me that we're all somehow able to just live with this? and go on? and watch movies and fall in love and go dancing and make art and study and go to work and fight and go on vacation? how are we not losing our minds every minute of every day?

i almost have this strange thought that perhaps those with mental illnesses, perhaps it is because their minds didn't get that evolutionary injection that makes you, for some reason, able to forget that you're going to move on from this plane of existence, that you're finite. perhaps what's at the core of their mental stuff is the mind truly knowing it's finite and acting out because it has no idea how to reconcile with it. i'm no psychiatrist of course. just an artist. and i'm just musing so don't nobody go getting offended.

if anything, people with these mental stuff are brave imo. the world is not very kind to those with anything beyond anxiety and depression. even insecurities or having feelings such as jealousy or envy or admitting that you sometimes feel lonely or weak or powerless will have a lot of people internally squirming from you. but i digress.

i think in a way maybe that's the point though. to just be out here, knowing what it is and learning how to reconcile and choosing what is both responsible and true to you. because i think there's definitely got to be a balance of both, seeing as they've made it so that we NEED money to function in society. but CHILE do NOT let me get started on capitalism. i mean, my thing is it's not even the JOBS themselves that are soul-sucking, it's the f*cking environment around them. it's the managers that treat employees as effing labor machines, that don't give them time off, that won't even let them SIT DOWN in some places.

like you don't think that's absolutely nuts? that we are infinite consciousnesses in finite vessels and who know that someday we will move past this plane of EXISTENCE and yet we allow managers to not let us sit down at work. and we don't collectively riot because what the hell.

and that's what i'm getting at. we're BIGGER than this 3d shit. and even more importantly, there are mighty, divine forces even greater than us that propel us but the 3D static makes us tune it out. let's try to not tune it out.

love<3